Less is the new black
“Less is more”
Did you ever get told as a child that your eyes are bigger than your belly?
I remember my parents saying that a lot especially when it came to sweet and savoury treats. How right were they?! You wanted more, but having more didn’t make you feel good. It made you feel bad!!
Life’s got a bit like like that, hasn’t it? When you see and listen to the messaging around you, most of it essentially says what you have right now isn’t enough, you need more. Everyday and pretty much everywhere you are bombarded with messaging that touches on almost every area of your life: career ladder, fitness, relationships, wealth, fashion, food, beauty, body, holidays, living location, dream home – the list goes on and on.
So you keep pedalling hard to keep up and acquire all the must-haves and must-dos… which is pretty exhausting and all-consuming if you buy into all or some of it. But it doesn’t make you feel happier or more content.
The contentment conundrum
All of us are sold this idea that having ‘more’ status, money, labels, possessions, fame, etc. will make us happy, so we keep seeking out more. However, realising material aspirations doesn’t have a lasting impact. It’s a bit like eating a bowl of pasta. You’re full and then you’re not.
Wanting and getting more becomes a repetitive cycle of disatisfaction, or unsatisfaction, because the material things in life don’t give us true fulfillment. You may expereince fleeting moments of satisfaction, but this it isn’t sustained in the medium and long term. Infact, having more, begets wanting more.
Enough to be content
One of my teachers shared his rare and refreshing perspective … all he needs is to earn enough to be eat, have shelter, be comfortable, to provide for his family and to take rest.
If you can be content with having enough to be comfortable rather than perpetually accumulating more. Then you can use your energy and time to focus on: personal growth, family, friends, relationships, giving back, being in community.
Searching for fulfilment in the wrong places can be stressful, it can leave you feeling empty and drained of energy. The reality is that we all have to focus on essential material matters to live but the trick is not to let yourself get wrapped in them and shift your focus to the more rewarding things in life.
Letting go of the focus on external aspirations is so freeing. I’ve really worked on doing that over the years, and it makes life so much less stressful and more enjoyable.
Shifting your focus
Shifting our focus away from external aspirations drives:
More simplicity
More headspace for personal growth
Less stress
A sense of belonging
Self-acceptance and confidence in who you are
This in turn helps you to use your energy more wisely, be present, connected and fulfilled.
Your time and energy is finite so directing your focus away the material ‘external’ aspirations and towards engaging ‘internal’ aspirations is much more rewarding and satisfying:
SHIFT: Less external focus – More internal focus
Research shows that focusing on being present – living in the moment, personal growth, relationships with family and close others and being involved in community satisfies our basic psychological needs and bring a greater sense of wellbeing and happiness. Whereas, people that focus on financial success, image and popularity report lower wellbeing.
Self-reflection exercises
Your commitment and identifcation to external aspirations can often hold you back from taking a step forward towards greater fulfillment. I know this from personal experience. It can be really helpful to reflect on your aspirations:
Exercise Two
How do you feel when you achieve material goals?
How long does the feeling last?
Did achieving your goal/s feel as good as you hoped?
How is striving for material goals impacting you?
Are your material goals holding you back?
Are you material goals dimming your sparkle?
Exercise One
List your external (material) and internal (growth) goals
Are they mainly external, internal or a mix?
Do your external aspirations clash with your internal aspirations?
Which aspirations do you prioritise?
Exercise Three
Exercise Four
Review your answers …
Ask yourself:
Am I more focused on external or internal aspirations?
How is this working for me?
How can I get a good blend of focus so I can achieve what I need externally and internally?
How does achieving your internal (growth) goals make you feel?
How long does the feeling last?
Did achieving any of these aspirations feel as good or better than you expected it to?
How is focusing on personal growth, relationships and community impacting you?
Is it helping you realise your other goals?
How is it contributing to your sparkle?
You can easily adopt this simple but powerful tool of self-reflection daily in your work, health, wealth and relationships as a reminder to be grateful for what you have, rather than covet what you don’t.