POKER FACE? OR WRITTEN ALL OVER? | Is emotional seepage sabotaging you?
I’ve been having some great conversations lately and this subject came up … the skill of maintaining an open and neutral expression in high stakes situations. Does your face give everything away when your emotions rise? I get it!
PERSONAL STORY
It was a Saturday morning in Wales. I was in my teens. One of my parent’s siblings, who was visiting from England popped in for a cuppa. Sidenote: This particular relative is loud, opinionated and polarising! It’s far too long ago for me to remember what was said but what remains with me was that I was unimpressed. I have no doubt I was rolling my eyes and pursing my lips!!! After our morning tea, my sister looked at me and says “OMG Rhi, the look on your face was a picture!”
It's a fair assessment to say I was a long way off anything close to a poker face. Fast forward, to now and a lot has changed and I am much better at keeping my negative emotions under wraps!
ARE YOU USING YOUR EMOTIONS INTELLIGENTLY AT WORK?
Emotions belong in the workplace. In fact, they are essential to the relationships we build with our colleagues, peers, clients and other stakeholders. Showing emotion at work helps build rapport and trust, as well as, demonstrating competence, credibility and professionalism.
However, problems arise when strong emotions show-up unfiltered on your face and in your body language. These giveaway signs of your true feelings have the potential to damage negotiations, reputations, relationships and more through miscommunication, misunderstandings and raised tension.
6 PHYSICAL SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL SEEPAGE
Have you noticed yourself, or others, using any of this body language?:
Narrowing or rolling your eyes
Pursing your lips
Speaking fast or loudly
Fidgeting and increased gesturing
Feeling hot or cold with increased perspiration
Feeling agitated.
REAL LIFE CLIENT STORY
One of my clients works with businesses in the Primary Sector, who have a reputation for aggressive and toxic cultures . I helped this client regulate their nervous system so they could feel calmer, be more focused and think clearly in critical moments. My client also experienced a shift in the dynamics of their interactions with stakeholders: from combative and competitive to collaborative and open.
GET AWARE OF YOUR EMOTIONS
Be curious about how you handle stressful moments. Are you reacting emotionally? Or, are you responding with emotional intelligence. You can start growing your awareness today:
Practice noticing physical signs of emotional seepage (above) in self and others
Ask trusted colleagues for feedback
Be aware how you received by peers, colleagues and stakeholders under stress.
In a recent conversation with a CEO in the community sector, they shared that unfiltered emotions show up too often in the facial expressions and body language of leaders and executives, especially in challenging high-stakes situations such as Board meetings. And, these displays of emotion seepage are damaging trust and making peers question an individual’s authenticity, competence and professionalism.
TRAIN YOUR POKER FACE
Training your poker face stems from good emotional self-regulation. Here are 8 tips to help you manage your emotional reactions and maximise your impact:
Pre-empt potential challenges or conflicts in meetings ahead of time
Book in time ahead of critical meetings to focus on creating inner calm e.g. box breathing practice, take a walk, meditate
Set a clear meeting intention to focus on the bigger picture
Listen actively
Positive self-talk: reframe any negative thoughts
Maintain emotional distance: don’t take it personally
Focus on deep slow breathing and ask your body to relax when stressed
Focus on subtle movements e.g. clenching and unclenching your hand, to shift your focus and reset your composure.
FINAL NOTE: THE FINE LINE
There’s a fine line to walk between keeping an open and neutral expression that builds trust and encourages open communication and one which leaves people cold.
Often you’re not aware of the micro expressions which happen when you are emotionally triggered. Learning to notice the signs – aka growing yourself-awareness - is the starting point to make a shift in your emotional regulation and become more emotionally intelligent.
If you or someone in your team is having trouble maintaining their poker face in moments that matter get in touch and let’s talk about how I can help.
WHAT’S INSPIRING ME THIS WEEK …
QUOTE: Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen." Brené Brown
READING: I’d love to know what you are reading: business books, fiction, autobiographies. I am looking for some holiday reading inspiration for my trip in Europe. Send me a note with your best recommendations!
TAKING ONE SMALL STEP EVERYDAY: Changing, growing, getting better is the accumulation of lots of small steps and not one giant transformation.
I can support you, your team or organisation in a number of ways to lift results. Check out these links:
Free resource: Download your copy of my leader’s guide on how proactively managing executive stress benefits the individual, teams and whole organisations.
Book a call: Let’s talk about your challenges and how I can help.
Breathe to Lead: 90 day nervous system reset. 1:1 mentorship for leaders. Transform your executive presence in high pressure situations using the power of your breath.